What You Say Reveals Who You Are
Nothing causes more damage to relationships than the tongue. James, the brother of Jesus, wrote an entire chapter on controlling the tongue (James 3). The tongue, he tells us, reveals our true nature, exposing our true colors. Our words express our character and reveal the reality and measure of our relationship with Jesus. What we say reveals who we are.
A disciple knows that words are one of the most powerful forces in all of life. “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21). Speaking life is seeing and speaking from God’s viewpoint on any issue of life; to speak death is to voice life’s negatives, to complain constantly, gossip, slander, defame or have a bad attitude toward another person.
A disciple chooses and uses words to breathe life. James said, “From the mouth comes both blessing and cursing” (James 3:10). A disciple chooses to be Holy Spirit controlled and led, choosing words that bless, never to curse. The Apostle Paul told us, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to all who hear it” (Ephesians 4:29).
Jesus tells us that what we say reveals who we really are:
To edify means, “to build up.” To edify is to encourage – to put courage into another’s life. A disciple is a builder of people. A disciple maker is an encourager. He uses his tongue to build, never to tear down. Even when he must bring correction his intent is always one of redemption and restoration. A disciple takes seriously Jesus’ warning: “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36). According to Ephesians 4:29, we grieve the Holy Spirit if we gossip, slander, rumor, disparage, malign, slur, smear, defame, spread scandal, allow unwholesome language, bitterness, or have bad attitudes toward others. Instead of acting that way, we should be forgiving, just as God has forgiven us.
A disciple is quick to hear and slow to speak (James 1:19). A disciple understands that, “When there are many words transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise … Do you see a man hasty in his words, there is more hope for a fool than there is for him” (Proverbs 10:19; 29:20). A disciple understands this and chooses his words carefully. A disciple talks when he has something to say.
In all of life, one of the things that God hates the most is gossip, a tongue that is used to curse and tear down (Proverbs 6:19). A disciple participates in such evil if he is party to such gossip as well. A disciple exposes and rebukes the slanderous tongue, seeking repentance and confession of such sin, understanding that the scripture is true which says that a man’s words are a reflection of his heart (Matthew 15:19). A disciple embraces Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person.”
Three common excuses we use to justify gossip: Gossip Is Sin
1. Counsel: “Linda, I am really hurt about Kathy and how she has treated her husband. I need your counsel...” If you have a problem with another person, it may be appropriate to seek counsel, but only after you have followed Biblical guidelines (see Matthew 5:23,24; 18:15-17). Counsel should always come from those who are more spiritually mature than yourself – complaints always go up, never laterally, and never down.
2) Prayer Requests: “Dear Lord, you know that Kathy is not treating her husband as she should…” We oftentimes disguise our gossip as prayer requests – especially in group prayer times. When you have a problem with another person, it may be appropriate to have someone pray for you, but only within Biblical guidelines.
3) Bearing Another’s Burden: “Pastor, you know of course that Kathy is not treating her husband as she should … let me tell you all about her…” Sometimes our gossip is disguised as bearing another’s burden. When you have a problem with another person, it may be appropriate to have someone help bear your burden, but only within Biblical guidelines.
7 Guidelines to guard against gossip:
If you do not have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all (Ephesians 5:4). When in doubt, keep your mouth shut (Romans 14:23).
Never speak about a person in any way other than to compliment, encourage and praise (1 Corinthians 16:14).
Never share any information about another person with someone else unless you have received his or her specific permission to do so (Proverbs 6:19).
Never speak about someone else any differently than if they were right there beside you (Proverbs 25:23; Matthew 5:37).
If “seeking counsel” from someone wounds or tears down the individual being discussed, it is gossip or if you allow yourself to become party to another’s gossip it is sin (Proverbs 27:6).
If sharing a “prayer request” with someone could cause that person to think less about the one being prayed for, it is gossip (Ephesians 4:29).
When in doubt, see guideline number one.
What kinds of words come from your mouth? Are you grieving or pleasing God with your attitudes and actions? You can't solve your heart problem just by cleaning up your speech. You must allow the Holy Spirit to fill you with new attitudes and motives; then your speech will be cleansed at its source. What you say reveals who you are.
Prayer:
Dear Father, I realize the power of life and death is in my tongue, my heart. Please forgive me for not being an encourager, someone who breathes life and blessing. I ask you to fill me with Your Holy Spirit and change my attitudes and motives. Cleanse my heart and help me to see and say only that which is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Live Christ Deliberately!
Doug Morrell
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